13 May 2020 00:41:54
I have been struggling with anixety and depression for a long while bur never admitted it, and now it has cost me my relationship I understand how serious it is affecting my life. I am just curious if anybody has any advise and tips as this is centre about my own obsessions I can't let go of in my relationship which is why it isn't in a good place at the moment.

Any advise would be helpful, thanks in advance.

{Ed001's Note - the key to it is admitting your problems to yourself and wanting to be better. That is the first (and by far the most difficult) step to change. The next step is to identify what caused your anxiety and depression initially. Not what triggers it now, but what started it. If you can identify that and talk about it to someone, then you will go a long way towards improving things.

You can talk about what triggers it now and get some short-term relief, but that is just like having a headache and taking aspirin. It treats the symptoms but the headache will keep coming back until you figure out what is actually causing you to have the headache in the first place.

Good luck mate, I really hope you will be able to get a handle on it, they are horrible things to struggle with.}

1.) 13 May 2020
13 May 2020 20:32:52
Hi mate try and do some research on how the mind works so as to get some understanding of why we all feel and act the way We do sometimes, for me I think getting to know and understand how our ego feeds on our fears and insecurities is a huge eye opener.
Some people have an over inflated ego where they feel superior to others most of the time while other people have a heavily deflated ego where they feel inferior in many areas of their life, of course niether are usaully true.
All our minds feed us loads False thoughts about ourselves and others that most of us allow to spoil our life's to some degree, how many times in all our life's has our mind predicted the worst case scenario? Thousands if not millions of times for most of us and how many of those thousands or millions of predictions from our minds have ever happend? How many times have we all told ourselves in our head that we know what other people think of us when we get something wrong? But in reality we have no idea what other people are thinking but our mind will almost always tell us it's negativ, which it rarely everything is.
Once you understand more about how and why the mind works as it does then you gain so much freedom and independence from its automatic responses and thoughts.

A good site is
Think Less Grow Rich run by Richard Patterson, if you Google it and once the site pops up go on the home page you will find a few short articles that relate to anxiety and the monkey mind as they call it.
Hope it helps mate, it helped me loads, good luck.

2.) 13 May 2020
13 May 2020 21:08:07
Thank you so much ED and gunner means a lot to know i'm not alone, like you said I feel slightly better for admitting it and I have started talking to people. I will definately look into how the mind worka and have a look at that website.

Thanks once again.

{Ed001's Note - it really does help to talk mate.}

3.) 13 May 2020
13 May 2020 21:45:00
Your more than welcome mate and you are most definitely not alone mate, at any given time 1 in 4 of us are struggling in some way or another mentally.
Like Ed001 says talking to others is so important because if we don't talk to others we all only end up talking to ourselves (mentally) and keep getting the same old self defeating false information that caused our problems in the first place.
You'll be fine mate because again like Ed said you've already taken the biggest step there is, admitting your struggling in the first place.

4.) 14 May 2020
14 May 2020 12:46:01
I myself have had battles with the black eyed dog. The trouble with depression is how quickly it can seep into your mind uninvited and take hold with a vice like grip.
One of the key things I did to unshackle myself from this unwanted visitor was to take a good look around me of what good and positive things I have in my life, family, friends, work mates etc.
I have also found keeping busy with hobbies helps, I listen to as much music as humanly possible, all types, all genres and I am learning to play guitar, very badly I might add, but trying to master that instrument is very relaxing indeed.
RJCFC: if I may offer you some advise about your relationship, you need to bare your soul completely to your partner as no doubt you had been keeping this from them, which in itself has caused you more problems and allowed your depression to accelerate.
I wish you well with this and if you need to talk about anything feel free.
You are not alone, and you do not need to deal with this alone.
Good luck going forward, you have already taken the hardest step by admitting you had a problem, be at peace my friend.

5.) 14 May 2020
14 May 2020 14:13:29
According to scientific studies Gratitude has exactly the same effect on the brain as antidepressants Kenny mate so what your saying about looking at family and positives in your life are well supported methods of support.

6.) 15 May 2020
15 May 2020 09:23:43
Thanks kenny mate, all the support is helping a lot more now and as for my relationship, we have agreed to give each other space as much aa possible so sleeping away from each other and relaxing apart and then when we do get together it is more enjoyable so fingers crossws for that. The outlook with my friends and family is what I have recently started doing and it is helping a great deal, knowing I can always ring somebody at any time is a massive help.
Thanks once again all the advise and support is fantastic.

7.) 15 May 2020
15 May 2020 10:21:24
Rjcfc: your more than welcome mate. I am glad that you and your partner have reached this compromise.
The key is to not bottle anything up and keep the line of communication open to your loved ones.
When you start to feel blue, take stock of what you have around you, think of a memory that gives you a warm feeling, play your favourite song, or watch your favourite film or comedy, failing that I find a good long walk helps, find a routine that you can live with, but always remember, you are not alone and you don't have to deal with this alone.

gunner62: I hope you are well my friend, you have been a massive help to us all on this site.
Thank you for your invaluable support.

8.) 15 May 2020
15 May 2020 17:09:41
Sorry to hear that mate. Went through a similar thing myself about 5 years ago. Ended up back in my parents for a few months lying in my old bed surrounded by boxes thinking my life was over. I found the thing that helped me most was focusing on positive changes. I bought my own house and did my own thing with it, changed my job and got a new car. Now I'm not suggesting doing all that! But a sense of achievement and focusing on moving forward rather on dwelling on the past helped enormously.

It's also a cliche but exercise really does works wonders. I focused on getting in shape and eating healthily. The endorphins obviously work wonders and give you a boost but you also gain a confidence particularly as you notice your image changing. Really focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

Also don't forget you are likely to have some days worse than others and that's ok. Unfortunately there is no miracle cure but remember you've come this far and you can get through it. Talking about it is one of the best things to do and I'm happy to give my email address if you feel you ever want to get anything off your chest.

You will get better and comes through the other side stronger.

9.) 15 May 2020
15 May 2020 17:58:24
Cheers Kenny mate, I think the more we share our own experiences the easier it gets for all of us to share and help each other in any way we can.
I'm ok at the moment thank you mate I've had a few days where I've struggled a bit more again lately but I think we've all had a few of those days over the last couple of months.
Hope all is OK with you and yours mate?

10.) 16 May 2020
16 May 2020 13:28:48
gunner62: your welcome mate. I look forward to the day we can banter together, football wise.
I am taking it one day at a time, I have good days and bad but being able to share feelings and problems has been a massive help.
No one needs to be alone in this day and age.
Thank you for being there, it means a lot to me.

11.) 10 Jun 2020
10 Jun 2020 01:00:44
As a starting point, go your google machine and type in IAPT, and the area you live in. And look for self referral.
Andy’s man clubs are getting across the country, look for them in your local area.

A quick CBT tool, write down what you think has happened and what you are struggling with. Then try and think what you, would advise a friend to do in that situation? Try and be your own best friend.